The nose knows

OK, here's a random Mommy post.

 

So, I've always wondered about PBS's Arthur.  Do you know him?  He's supposedly this aardvark.  I've always wondered why they insisted he was an aardvark, because he looks nothing like one.  How do you get to be an anteater without a nose to suck up all the little bugs?  (OK, I just googled that and it turns out anteaters and aardvarks aren't exactly the same thing, but they're close.  Anyway...)

So, we have this aardvark who doesn't look like an aardvark and the show is cute enough and it's spawned from these great books.  So lately, my youngest daughter has been crazy about the books, and we've been checking them out at the library.

Which is where I discovered Arthur's dirty little secret.  This is so big I'm surprised there is not yet an E! True Hollywood Story about it.  Meet Arthur, the original.  That's right, in his debut Arthur really looked like an aardvark.  The most horrible part?  The book is called Arthur's Nose and is actually the story of how Arthur is unhappy with his nose and is thinking of changing it.  He goes the animal version of a plastic surgeon and they go over his options.  In the end, Arthur decides his nose is the best (!) and he, his friends, and family end up loving Arthur just the way he is (...until Hollywood comes calling, that is).  

Ok, so how cliche is this?  Really, Arthur, I can almost see the Hollywood hotshot in his eel skin suit, pointing his fingers like guns, and winking while making that "cha-ching" noise.   Seriously, who saw this book and thought "Yep, I love it, let's change everything, including the central message of the story." Where was Marc Brown, the author...oh yea, he was too busy seeing dollar signs.  That's right, I'm calling you out Mr. Brown for pimping your own creation.

So, now Arthur has lost my respect.  There goes my chances of ever donating to public television, I wouldn't want my donation to go to a tummy tuck for Snuffie or a skin bleaching for Clifford. 

It really doesn't matter to Arthur, he's laughing all the way to the bank.  In fact, I bet he's hanging out drinking Mai Tai's on the beach with Heidi Montag and Joan Rivers and his only regret was having the rhinoplasty before the great cocaine era of the 80's.

But what about the children, Arthur?  What kind of message are you sending out to the little Barry Manilows and Barbra Streisands of the world?  How could you? You were a role model, Arthur.  For shame.

What is the central message of this blog?  If I wrote one, I'd just then publish the opposite once someone agreed to publish this drivel.  C'mon, dude or dudette editor at my favorite publishing house, I'm waiting by the phone and can't wait for my millionaire makeover.  Love ya, chow baby.

P.S.  I found this online...the 25th anniversary of the first book.  I don't get it.  How confusing is this for kids?  The best part is the foreword by Michael Jackson.

Signing bonus

OK, I happened to catch the signing of the Health Care Bill...or as Obama called it the Health Insurance Reform Act.

Here's some REAL political commentary you won't find anywhere else.

1.  First, do you really need to interrupt my DVR'ing of The View?  That's what all those news channels and C-SPAN are for, right?  What about all those poor kids that stayed home from school because Justin Bieber was going to be on TV?  Shame, shame!

2.  Thank you sir (the President, not Justin Bieber) for explaining in simple terms what the bill does and what changes take effect now.  I appreciate that.  (See yesterday's rant).  I'm not so naive to believe there is no spin on those statements, but I do appreciate it.  Going out of your way to thank every member of Congress, however, was lame.  Poor Congress who had to work for their constituents and think for a change, here's a tiny violin for you.  Guess what, we all do things at work we don't like...I had to peel poop off a pair of elmo underwear yesterday, where is my round of applause?  Speaking of outbursts...

3.  What is with this shouting/interrupting/rude behavior that seems to have become the norm at important political events?  First, the State of the Union, then the "baby killer" business on the house floor (on second thought, I'll give that one a pass because I'm sure worse things have been shouted on the house floor), and today during the President's speech some guy had to interject a "YEA, WE DID!"   Really, Joe Blow (or Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-N.Y), you are not at a Yankees game, show some decorum.

3.5  In trying to find a photo of the signing, I came across many stories that our very own VP dropped the F- bomb live on television to introduce the President.  Real winner there, huh?  Please Mr. President, don't die in office, or even have a nightmare about having to use the 25th amendment for any reason whatsoever.

4.  Could any more pens have been used during the signing?  First, don't televise the unpresidential goofiness of trying to sign the 12 letters of his name (I'm assuming you write your whole name but skip the whole President tag but I could be wrong) with 22 pens.   And how soon until the Republican's start talking about budget cuts in the White House supply closet?

OK, I'm done.
So now that this whole health care is being put to bed what are we gonna all talk about now?

In Care of my Health

OK, can I say something out loud?

I have no idea what this health care bill will or will not do for me.  Does this make me more or less American?

Yes, MSN homepage, you can bullet point what the bill does but honestly we'll only know in ten years how it REALLY has affected me and my family.  Frankly (not a Barney reference, I assure you), I'm sick of hearing about it...and that makes me sad.  I MINORED in poly-sci, how can I hate it that much now?!

Personally, I'm getting incredibly sick of politics and wonder if the people of Rome felt like this before that empire fell.  I'm pretty sure we've got to be thisclose to crazy rulers dancing and playing violin while Detroit burns ('cause really, doesn't Detroit riot every other Tuesday?)

Maybe it's my lack of conviction, but from where I'm standing politics is becoming a joke...but not a funny one, more like the ones I try to tell where I try too hard and no one ever laughs. (See above paragraph.)

You've got one side, lets call them the loud talkers.  I appreciate their strong convictions, but these people scare the hell out of me.  It should never be he who yells loudest rules.  You're not my mom, I don't like being told what to do all the time.

The other side is the undeciders.  They can't get their act together long enough to tie their shoes.  Their problem is they know they don't like it the yelling way, but can't agree on how or why to do it another way.  They are the unvocalized opposition to the yellers, and really not so effective.

Here's my analogy:
Say you're stuck in a car with a group of friends and you are deciding where to go for dinner.  One way, the driver screams since he's driving we're going to restaurant A and that's that.  Since you're not a big fan of that place, you are not happy.    But you'll also not be happy if no one in the car can agree and you end up starving and driving around for hours until you just land at a place no one likes because you simply ran out of gas.

There has to be a better way.  I have to believe most people fall into a happy medium catagory.  If everyone puts their minds to it we should be able to come up with a compromise.  Life is a series of compromises, is it not?  Find a restaurant that's close, inexpensive and has an extensive menu and all is forgiven.

On the other side of the coin, who do you know that gets along with every member of their family?  If we can't have familial peace, why should we expect to be a happy, shiny people holding hands country?

We are so very combatitive and unyielding when it comes to politics...and that bites.  The world is not all black and white, but it's never all gray either.  Tough decisions are just that--tough, with no easy answers. 

Here is the way I see it.  There are three huge problems with our election system:
1)  There is too much money in it. 
2)  Generally, people are dumb and will believe what you tell them in a 30 second commercial (especially if it's well produced and untrue).
3)  The primary system is killing this country.  For the primaries we get the leftest left and the rightest right to decide on a key player and then for the general election these same candidates have to act (cause it is all an act is it not?) all warm and fuzzy and have a gooey center.  The closest one to the middle without going over (and without outright contridicting previous published opinion) wins.  Then said elected official has to once more appease the outer spectum of primary voters so he/she can be elected again.   And, barring the obligatory political corruption scandal, it's an endless cycle.

Yea, us.

Now for my easy answer--
I'd like to start another political party.  The I'd-like-to-care-but-I-don't-have-time-but-really-let's-meet-in-the-middle party.  The only thing I need is money, a following of stupid people, and a decision on where we are meeting for dinner.  Who's with me???

Kiss of Death

Here is my personal relationship public service announcement.  Ready?
Don't ever say nice things about your significant other publicly.  NEVER.

Two facebook friends (women) recently posted status updates stating that their husbands were awesome; they are now the only 2 couples I know (personally) who are in the process of divorce.

Sandra Bullock told millions of people her husband was her rock, now she'd rather throw rocks at him and his skanky tattooed mistress (I'm guessing, I don't know Sandy personally).

I regularly tell anyone who will listen to (or read) me that my husband is a dolt.  (As an aside, this week I had to prove to said hubby that dolt was a real world...seriously, how can you live on this earth 35 years and never hear that word EVER?!)

See, I can't help it...but that's OK, cause it must mean our marriage is A-OK...or did I just jinx it now?  Crap.

Spring has sprung

Halleluia!  The sun is out and the temperature is creeping up.

Technically, spring arrives on Saturday but I love those window of hope days in March where everything is going to be OK again soon.  You hear birds again, children wear shorts and t-shirts to school even though it was only 37 degrees this morning, and I get thinking about gardening.

Everyone in the neighborhood was out yesterday and it was amazing.  First, I know a lot more people than I did a year ago here which is nice.  Secondly, it's all a little "Lion King-y,"  you know, circle of life type stuff. 

Everyone's a year older and wiser.  The kids are excited to spend every second outside. 

Today I am ambitious to do it all;  I can't wait to put on my walking shoes; I've gotten all my gardening stuff together; and I sit at my laptop writing this?!?

Off to clean up a little because when my kindergartener gets home, everyone is staying outside until dark!  Go spring!